Full House-A Glee Fanfiction
by KatyCatGleek1694
Summary: This is a Glee parody of Full House, which centers around Klaine's future in New York! In this story, I give the Klainers EXACTLY what they want! Read, Review & Enjoy! Even if u are just visiting, I appreciate it if u review! Don't b shy to tell me what u think, but b nice! I will be posting very often, and want to get around to at least 5 people reviewing regularly.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **

**OK my fellow Gleeks, Klaine lovers and darlings! Hope u all like this one! It is a Glee parody of Full House. Don't worry, LOTS of Klaine, which is exactly what every Klainer wants! Hope u all love it! Leave a review, please! ;)-Luv Dani! XOXO**

* * *

The weather in the summer of New York City was amazing. Both Kurt and Blaine unlocked the penthouse with their children, Tracy and Hepburn. Hepburn was ten while Tracy was five. When they entered, Kurt called for Carol.

"Carol!" Kurt called out. "Hey, Mom!"

Carol came downstairs from Ali's room. "Oh the baby is sleeping like a baby!" she said. "Oh my angels!" She immediately embraced Tracy and Hepburn, but that was a mistake Blaine and Kurt weren't making again, because it was like tug-a-war with the kids clutching to Carol.

"Well, I don't have to leave New York for Lima just yet," Carol said.

The kids immediately began to jump up and down.

"No, Mrs. Hummel, I think you have to go," Blaine said.

"Fifty bucks you stay!" Hepburn said, holding out a large wad of cash.

"Hepburn, buddy, where did you get fifty dollars?" Blaine asked his son.

"My bedroom," the little boy said.

"Hepburn," Kurt said with a warning.

"Your room, my room. Either way, it came from a room," Hepburn said sarcastically. He inherited that from Kurt, while Tracy was an overachiever for her age and was already in the third grade.

"Carol, let's take a walk," Kurt said. He put his arm around his stepmother as he gave his children and boyfriend a look. "Carol, you know as well as I do about this. Look, you've been taking care of us since Quinn left for Europe. We wouldn't have made it through the past two months without you. But Dad needs you, too. You remember Dad. Blue collar, his cars, bald head, needs somebody to watch after his diet and exercise routine, listens to Mellencamp? Look, you've been great help, but it's time to go home," Kurt said.

"Look, I just want Grandma to stay," Hepburn said.

"Guys, have no fear. Help is moving in today," Kurt assured his children.

"Oh, you call your stepbrother, Rachel, Puck, Artie, Sam, your former bully and Santana help?" Carol asked.

"Please, Carol, have some faith in them. Since when do you not trust David or Puck?" Blaine asked.

"I do trust them, but _if_ you need me, I am on the next plane," Carol said, but she didn't leave until she smothered the children with more hugs. Soon enough, when Blaine and Kurt had to break it up, Hepburn and Tracy began to pout.

"C'mon, you guys! Don't pout! Why are the both of you suddenly upset?" Blaine asked.

"Does Grandma really have to go? And why do_ I_ have to share a room?" Hempburn asked.

"C'mon, little man! It'll be just like having a slumber party!" Kurt tried to assure his son.

"Yeah, with one guest, who is not my gender and would never leave!" Hempburn said stubbornly.

"Oh please my college roommate was a female," Kurt said.

"Hello, everybody!" an Ohio drawl came from the front door. "Puckerman's in town!"

Hepburn and Tracy jumped up from the couch and ran over to Puck. Puck was always great with the kids, as he practically raised his biological daughter, Beth, when he was a senior in high school.

"Hey, Puck! Where are Coop, Rachel, Artie, Sam, David and Satan?" Blaine asked.

"On their way. Any case, I'm rooming with Trouty Mouth and Wheels, right?" Puck asked, curiously.

"Yeah, David, my brother and Cooper are staying in the large outgo," Kurt said with a nod.

"Cool! Okay, so, I have a story to tell!" Puck said, sitting on the arm of the couch. "I'm driving around on my way here two days ago on my motorcycle, right? Anyways, I stop into his bar. Turns out, it's a gay bar. But anyway, I meet this hot girl, blonde, Florida native, Dakota. Turns out, she ain't no lesbian! She's a _bisexual_, and turns out, she's a back-up dancer for Billy Joel and she's on tour with him! Apparently, she's going to Europe next week, so she wanted some American food before she left the country!"

"Was she hungry?" Blaine asked.

"Super hungry, but we didn't even get to have a burger or a beer, because next thing I know, Billy takes her away, but not before signing my guitar! Huh?" Puck said, smirking.

Kurt nodded, more amused than anything.

"Uncle Puck? Let's play ballerina!" Tracy said.

"Uncle Puck doesn't wanna play ballerina," Puck said, bending down to the little girl.

"Yes, he does!" Tracy insisted.

"No, he doesn't!"

"Yes he does!" Tracy always had the technique of fake-crying and puppy dog eyes in order to get the things that she wanted, whether it was a new toy or candy before dinner.

"Okay, how do you play ballerina?" Puck asked.

Puck immediately knew he had to give in to the kid. He did as he was told to do from Tracy. "How was I? Good?"

"You need to practice," Tracy said. "We're gonna do this every day!"

Suddenly, that was when Blaine's older brother, Cooper, decided to make his entrance. "Okay, I'm guessing Puck told his story? Well, I'm gonna tell mine. So, I was at the airport on my way here, okay, and just as I was eating at the Subway over there, I see a woman, and turns out, it's Madonna!" Cooper said.

"Get outta town!" Kurt said as he approached his brother-in-law. "What the hell was Madonna doing there?"

"Headed to Rio for a music video shoot. Apparently, she's doing some big re-do of her "Material Girl" music video. But anyway, I actually _sat_ with her, and the next thing you know, the press thinks we're dating!" Cooper said.

Blaine laughed hysterically as he hugged his brother.

That was when Artie came in, panting and gasping for air. "_Man_ those ten flights of stairs are a bitch!" he gasped. "I wish this apartment had an elevator!"

"It does!" Blaine said.

"_Now _you tell me!" Artie said rolling his eyes in exasperation.

Next came Finn, Rachel and Santana. "Hey guys, sorry we're late! The ladies took too long in the BR!" Finn said between his teeth to both of the girls.

"Look, I was planning on never coming out of there!" Rachel said.

Kurt smirked. "That's what I said sophomore year of high school!"

After that, they heard the sounds of a fake trumpet noise as David Karofsky pushed his way through with his suitcase and put it on the floor.

"Hey Sam," Hepburn said.

"Wow! _Finally_, I'm down to my last clean outfit and it _just _happens to be the day I move into a house with a washing machine!" the blonde announced as he dropped a bunch of dirty clothes on the floor. They all stepped away from the smell. That was when he noticed Puck. "Hey, Puck, long time no see. How could you predict seven years ago that we'd end up being roommates?!"

"Never," Puck said.

"Hey, uh, Kurt?" Finn said as he stepped into the semi-large area where he, Cooper, and David were to stay.

"Yeah Finn?" Kurt asked his stepbrother.

"I don't think all us guys will be able to fit all of our stuff into a room this tiny. And where will Rachel go?" Finn asked.

"She's rooming with Santana," Blaine said.

"Absolutely not!" Rachel said coming down the stairs. "I just checked out the room, Blaine, and there is only one bed in there! I'm not gonna sleep with a girl!"

"She can stay in my room!" Finn jumped in and wound an arm around his wife.

"Okay, fine, the Hudsons can stay together and sleep together in the same bed, but as long as they don't make out all night and go, "Oh, oh Finn, Finn don't stop, don't stop!" we'll be good," Cooper said.

"Cooper, you almost made-out and had sex with Madonna at a Subway in an airport! Like you don't act that way when you bring your dates home after a friggin meeting at a bar somewhere!" Blaine said.

Sam bent down to both of the kids. "So we are gonna have so much fun, aren't we, kids?" That was when Sam started to make weird cartoon noises. Why Sam quit his modeling career to be a comedian Kurt had no idea.

Hepburn looked up at Blaine. "Is it too late to catch Grandma at the airport?"

Blaine shook his head.


	2. Chapter 2

After about twenty minutes, Blaine was already showing Puck the area where he was staying. "Okay, you're gonna love this!" He opened the door to reveal the room, which was decorated with big pink bunnies.

Puck took a look around. This definitely wasn't a typical place he'd sleep, but oh well.

"Not- overly masculine," Blaine said with a shrug.

Puck looked at the walls one more time. He could make it work. "Yeah, yeah hobbit it's real nice. All it needs is uh Barbie's Dream House."

"We have that," Blaine said with a wink. "You know Puck this-this really means a lot to me. Ever since Quinn located to Paris, things have been pretty hectic. ABC News has got me working at the studio from 9:30 to 10:00, and just knowing there is somebody here who cares about the kids." He pulled Puck into a bear hug.

Puck suddenly felt awkward. This was nuts. "You're hugging me in a room with pink bunnies." He and Blaine immediately pulled away. "Look, Blaine, Quinn was my girlfriend and I loved her dearly and I still do. But here's a thought: get a nanny," he said bluntly, resting his hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"No, Puck, I don't want any strangers in the house. The kids have been through enough changes," Blaine said. That was when Puck opened the closet, realizing that it just wasn't big enough.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the hall, Hepburn was currently running a string halfway across his and Tracy's bedroom.

"Okay, rule number one: never touch my stuff," he said. "You should be taking notes!" he added to his sister. "Rule number two: _never _set foot on my half of the room!"

"Well how do I get out of here?" Tracy asked, curiously.

"Simple," Hepburn said. "You jump out the window and climb down the tree.

Tracy just simply looked at the window and shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Suit yourself," Hepburn said with a shrug.

"I'll find a way out," the little girl said slyly. She went over to the curtains and began to move very slowly to the other side of the room, to which Hepburn moved it back over. Blaine came in moments later.

"Trace, what are you doing?" he asked his daughter.

"Just hanging around," she said.

"Get down from there," he said. Soon enough, Sam saw this as an opportunity for limbo.

"This is a nightmare," Hepburn said.

"Bud, I told you, everything's gonna work out great. Now I gotta get down to the station," Blaine said.

"May I have a piggyback ride?" Tracy requested.

"Yes," Blaine said. "Sam, Puck, the baby's schedule is on the fridge." He then just turned to them. "You _can _handle this, right?" he asked.

Both Sam and Puck nodded.

Tracy turned back to her brother. "Told you I'd find a way out!"

"Bye, Hepburn," Blaine said.


	3. Chapter 3

Later that afternoon, Sam and Finn went upstairs to Ali's room. Upon hearing the baby's cry, Sam went up to the crib to the three-month-year-old.

"Aww, Miss Wittle Baby-Waby!" Sam said in one of his impersonations. "What's the matter? Awwe, little Muppet wuffing?! Finn, what are we gonna do?"

Finn gave his best friend a very hard facial expression just so he was clear. "First, we stop talking like a munchkin!" he said. He then went close to the baby's crib. "Hey, shut up!" he yelled.

"Hold on Finn, I'm a comic. It is my non-paying job to cheer people up," Sam said. Then, he started to talk like a puppet. "Hi, Ali! It's me, Kermit the Frog! Now, you don't wanna cry, do ya?" The baby continued to wail, so Sam decided to try something different. "Why hello, It's me, Pewee Hermin! Hey do you wanna go to my playhouse?! Ha, ha!" When the baby continued crying, Sam decided his newest idea. "Wait, she'll love it! I call it the sprinkler." Sam took a long sip of his lemon lime soda and let little sprinkles of the soda come out of his mouth, just like a garden sprinkler. With that, Finn took out an umbrella and put it over the crib to cover the baby's head from getting wet.

"Tough room," Sam said. Then, he started to think things over and use his brain, the one that God placed in his head. "Hey, uh, Finn?" he said. "What if she needs to be uh 'changed'?" he asked putting air quotes around the word.

"Check it out!" Finn said. Sam bent in front of the end of the crib cautiously.

"What are you looking for? A little red mess light?" Finn asked sarcastically with a facial expression of shock and seriousness. "Get in there and be a man!"

That was when Sam started feeling the diaper; when he noticed it was . . . _warm_. "We have a winner!" he announced. "Now what?" he asked.

"Samuel, place yourself in her skin," Finn said, putting an arm around his friend. "What would you want done?"

"I've never changed a baby," Sam said.

"Me neither. At least you touched one." Finn pushed his friend out of the way. "Alright, I'll show you how it's done. Come here, child!" Finn reached into the crib and took the baby girl out. "You believe this guy? Make yourself useful, ohh!" he said as he caught weft of poop.

"Alright, I'll . . . take the south end," Sam said.

When they reached the stairs, they started saying, "Step one, step two, step one, step two, step one, step two. Here we are!" Finn said. They then went into the kitchen.

That was when David and Tracy caught wind of it. "Show time!" Tracy announced. She gestured for David to come with her.

"Okay, now, where do we put the baby? Where do we put the child?" Finn wondered.

"The pot!" Sam said, reaching for a pot.

"Whoa, whoa, Sam, this is a living thing! You don't just stick it in a pot! Use a meat wrack," Finn said. They said the baby into the pot once the meat wrack was in.

"Are you gonna cook Allison?" Tracy asked.

"We're changing her diaper," Sam said.

"Oh, well then how do you roast a turkey?" Tracy asked sarcastically. Dave looked at the both of them like he couldn't believe what they were doing. Sure, he'll admit it. He harassed Finn's stepbrother in their junior year of high school, and they got pass that, but sometimes, he just felt like going to a 7 Eleven and throwing a Big Gulp at Finn's head. He never changed a diaper before, but he was pretty sure you weren't supposed to place the kid in a pot. He figured all he could do now was sit back, have some popcorn, record the whole thing, and enjoy the show. Besides, it would make a great YouTube video too. He pulled out his phone and recorded as Sam and Finn went to work, but when it came time for diapers, they were scattering all over the kitchen. They then just settled for wrapping Ali up in paper towel and sticking her in a mesh strainer. Finally, Tracy had enough.

Tracy reached over for the diaper bag. "Need these?" she asked.

"Trace?" Finn said. "Why did you wait till now to give us the diapers?"

"Nobody asked me," she said shrugging.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**OK MY DARLINGS! I have an announcement to make for u all! I'm going to Lea Michele's Brunette Ambition meet and greet! I'm gonna meet LEA FREAKIN MICHELE! I remember when I met her at her CD signing. She's so incredibly sweet and the most amazing person I've ever met. So i guess u could say I'm the biggest Leanatic, cause when u think i'm gone after the CD, I come _BACK! _Also, DWTS American finale is next week! It's Candace, Amy, Maryl and James. Who will win? We'll find out next week! Also, another note! Hope u all loved the Glee season 5 finale last night! My favorite lines: **

**Rachel: Where did you get the dinasour suit?**

**Kurt: I found it in a dumpster at the Bronx, so I put it on. Then I was afraid I might get lice, so I took it off. Then I missed having it on, so I put it back on!**

**Blaine: That was weird. **

**Brittany: That was oober weird.**

**Blaine: That was so wrong that we just slept together.**

**Brittany: Oober wrong.**

**Blaine: I'm gay and you're mostly lesbian, but here's what I'm thinking.**

**Brittany: I know what you're going to say.**

**Blaine: Ok lets just say it at the same time on the count of 1, 2, 3.**

**Both: Lets keep sleeping together and start an art galary in the performance space downstairs! (they both make out)- Luv Dani!**


	4. Chapter 4

When Kurt, Blaine and Rachel returned home from work, they unlocked the front door and went into the living room to see it a mess. There were dirty baby clothes, towels, napkins, left-over Chinese food, Qdoba burrito wrappers and chopsticks all over the living room table, couch and floor.

"What the hell? This place is a mess!" Kurt cried out. "What's with all the dirty baby clothes? This is unbelievable! I leave you guys alone at home for four hours and all this has done was turn my loft into the International House of Leftovers!"

Sam stirred on the couch and looked up. "Well, every time we fed her she'd dribble, cough or spit up."

Finn looked at his stepbrother. "Your baby's a pig." He then went to the large outgo.

"David Karofsky get your ass in here right this minute!" Kurt yelled.

David suddenly came through bearing a half-eaten Qdoba burrito with steak and their seasonal mango salsa, food dripping down his chin. Artie came in as well, bearing a plate of mushu pork.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Kurt yelled.

"Eating," David and Artie said together.

"Yeah well I suppose you guys ordered all this crap and now my good silk shorts are filled with mushu pork!" Kurt screeched.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Puck came into the living room. "I got it," he said. He opened the door to see a beautiful, curvy blonde with tan skin. The way how she carried herself seemed so elegant that her amber eyes twinkled, and the leather jacket and distressed denim pants she worse seemed to make her look even more beautiful, if that was even possible. "Dakota!" Puck said, his eyes lighting up with a maniacal enthusiasm that he always wore whenever he talked about girls. "Have mercy!" he added, turning to Finn and Kurt. "What are you doing here? I thought you were on tour with Billy."

"I am," she said, her voice very sweet and soft. "But the bus broke down and you told me you'd be here. And I regret us not having that much time together."

They both leaned their heads in and began to kiss. Just feeling Dakota's soft, beautiful lips on his made his heart go pitter-patter. He didn't even hear Blaine clearing his throat, and didn't even notice that he threw a towel over them to hide their make-out session from Tracy, who was walking into the room at that very moment, looking to play more ballerina with Puck.

"Hi, Puck, wanna play more ballerina?!" Tracy asked.

"Later," Puck said.

"Okay," Tracy said. "It's later!" They continued to do Tracy's demands, until Puck got tired of it.

"Hey, uh, Trace, why don't you play ballerina with your big brother?" Puck asked.

"I can't," Tracy said. "He moved out!"

"Wait, what?" Rachel asked, raising her eyebrows at her niece.

"See for yourselves!" Tracy said.

"Okay, everybody, upstairs now!" Blaine said, marching up the stairs.

Artie looked over at David and Santana. "Should we follow them, or?"

David and Santana both rolled their eyes and lifted Artie up the stairs to follow the others.

By the time they reached Tracy and Hepburn's room, they saw half of the room was completely empty.


End file.
